To be completely truthful, I haven’t had very much motivation to write lately. There are two blog posts that I started to write and the more I wrote the more incomplete they felt. They were missing something and that made them lacking authenticity. Two paragraphs in I’d just shut my laptop completely like a book I didn’t want to read. If I didn’t want to write it, why would anyone want to read it. So I simply went on a blog strike for weeks….
And now I’m back. As I was putting my daughter down for a nap I read an article (ironically enough on my smart phone) about a photographer that shot her children’s entire summer without technology. Technology is a topic I have felt extremely guilty about. I have tried my best to do everything “right” for my daughter. I mean, we are still breastfeeding at 11 months even though she’s drew blood from bitting so hard. I kinda threw the “all organics” only thing out the window when my daughter started eating everything I eat. Yeah….it’s been a hit or miss, but she is happy and she is thriving so hey I’m doing something right. Right? However, I noticed that when I’m extremely tired or trying to get some emailing/editing done… I have no problem turning the baby channel on and letting her play by herself for an hour or two. I think it’s important to let your baby learn to play by themselves, but the television is something I don’t want as a staple in her routine. I swore to myself I wouldn’t let her watch television until she was two and even then not very much….yet again, this whole parenting is much different than the fantasy I painted in my head.
I’m human. And human kind is destined to make mistakes. Sure, this mistake may seem minimal to most, to me it is a huge fail. TV isn’t the fail, my mindset on how much we are indoors is my fail. I am not taking my sweet girl out into the world nearly enough. I am not getting out into the world enough. And this, I think is a huge reason for my lack of inspiration lately. I keep on waiting until it gets “easy”…waiting until she sleeps through the night eventually, waiting until she starts walking, waiting until I have more time to edit photos, waiting until she doesn’t need my constant touch for security, waiting until we are weaned from nursing. I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting….and BOOM she’s already eleven months old. I don’t want this time to slip away. I’m done waiting. Babies her age are built to be durable. They need some dirt in between their fingers. They need to learn how to fall in a nice cushion of grass. They need to touch different textures, feel the breeze in their hair, smell the fresh air. Parents need that time too. To unplug and soak in moments that will soon become a memory in the past, because life is moving too fast and we are stuck waiting far too long.